Sometimes all you have is your gut feeling, hopefully that should suffice. One and half years of learning boils down to this. It is the ground reality; will I make it or not. I will need a pinch of courage to make the leap. Some are born to handle stress, some on the other hand like me have to work at it. Courage is not easily found. Play out instances where courage is necessary and once in a while you see the spark. More valuable than any bookish knowledge gained. It is the spark that kick starts your brain from a statue like stance that comes from the interview environment. It helps a lot if you have a couple of well-wishers, you never from where that right push comes from. It could be from a meaning conversation I had with friends or a mundane conversation with relative. The funny thing is there is no way of identifying those right words until they play out. It is like they are hidden in all the gibberish we hear; we are unable to distinguish the golden words from everything else. It is instances such as these that remind me to listen more. Really don’t want to miss out because I was talking shit at the moment.
This is exactly the reason why I love to travel. Listen to music and allow me to wander the depths of my mind. It has always been an exciting experience. Generally, I am always at a loss for words, but put a tune in my head for an hour and I have just opened a treasure trove of vocabulary and ideas. I am calm, my thought process in line and I have the dictionary in my head. I am no more confused. It is that mind setting I would like to take to the GD.
Many a times in the past week I have wondered if would have done things differently with Zoho if I was given the chance. My mind was telling me that the profile was nothing close to what I was looking for. I wanted sales or market research, anything else felt insufficient. Yet I was retching about Zoho. The profile was for a content writer, not my nest suite. I am better at understanding people and reading body language. I am also good with number, reason why I would like to be in market research.
Here is a question, what if I failed tomorrow. I have well-wishers and my mum with me, yet I fail to make the cut. How would I respond? What would I do? What would be my first reaction? Get up, dust myself and walk out? While I understand it is not the end why is it important to win tomorrow? Suddenly my source of strength, my pride and ego have become the problem. They are the ones holding me down with crippling fear.
So as a last resort I will try to abandon them. Go in as an idiot with below average intelligence and hope to find the spark that I so dearly require to turn it around.
Results came out today. Not so great, blew it both. Surprisingly not too worried about either. Guess we are getting seasoned. Initially I hoped to crack the interview in the first attempt but ground reality has been a bitch. Not only are we below par, we just don’t match up. Getting beaten by the Ettimadai students is one, getting beat by the Amritapuri students and Kochi students is a new low. I realize the level of work we need to do before we appear for the next interview. Strengthen our fundamentals on marketing to begin with because god knows we are weak. I don’t remember a single concept when I need it. Need to device a method to remember everything we have learnt so far. More importantly need to find a way to apply the things we have learnt. One might think with all the case studies we have done we should know to apply all the things we have learnt so far. I know for sure that we have no hope of clearing the next few interviews. Step by step we will have to work our way there. We have been having it easy so far, competition is tough. Any area we feel we are good, there is someone better. Correction, there is a bunch of them who are better. We are not coming second, we are not competing. I had a good feeling about BPS but didn’t make it due to lack of marketing knowledge. Will have to really dwell and figure out an area of expertise that none can compete.
I know I have not hit rock bottom yet, so there is still a way to go. But I know rock bottom is not far off. I am closing in on that familiar space I am good working at. Expectations are getting lowered very fast and I am staring to work harder. The pressure is getting lesser and I am getting ripped apart. Very soon that moment shall arrive, bare skinned with no more falling. All the pressure is going to fade away and all that is left is confidence. Solid ground with only up to go. I am preparing for that insane moment with no pressure and all the confidence. Before the ride gets better it is going to become a lot bumpier.
Ask me again to sell Idlies in Switzerland and it will not be an issue anymore. To hell with it, I can sell condoms to penguins. Let’s see them beat that.
It is one of the more difficult lessons to learn when you have to take failure positively. It is one of the tests of fire everyone has to go through. The catch is find out how high one can bounce back. Some barely make it while some come out blazing stronger than ever. I am reminded off all the lessons my father has given me. It is moments like these that bring me back to who I am. I have this aching feeling to do something about it. It is only a matter of time till I find a way to express and it plays out beautifully. One of the many things that test who you are.